As you both sleep peacefully on the couch within arms reach, I find myself a little weepy. My life is brimming with happiness and in spite of all my blessings I still get the blues.
Life isn't always as manageable as we'd like. It can be downright dreary on occasion. Situations beyond our control reroute our happy little course. I find that these lessons teach us to accept change and regroup.
When Momma was growing up her homelife was highly disfunctional. When I was a little girl I tried very hard to see the brighter side of some pretty bleak scenarios. It was difficult because I was often scared and hurt. I have dealt with many of the horrible things that have happened to me. Although, I find when things beyond my control occur, which they inevitably do, those bad times pop into my head.
I think about that little girl. I think about her freckled face and her kind heart. I think about her love of books and animals. I remember how she was so full of potential and promise and how situations beyond her control broke her spirit and made her self conscious and timid.
There are days I cry for her. I am crying for her right now and it's good because I don't allow myself to cry often.
I look to your future my darlings. I am so determined to give you a life full of stability and love. I want you to have the life that I never had.
One day when you are older I will tell you some stories about my past and I will hold you both tight and smile. I will smile because even though I climped a steep rockface to get to you, I did so on my own. You are both my most important accomplishments. My most beloved little friends.
I thank the Lord for the gift he gave me as I look upon your sleeping faces. If I were to die today I would die satisfied that I have brought two amazing little people into this world. I hope you will love the Lord as I do. I pray that I can teach by example. Please help me Lord.