As you both sleep peacefully on the couch within arms reach, I find myself a little weepy. My life is brimming with happiness and in spite of all my blessings I still get the blues.
Life isn't always as manageable as we'd like. It can be downright dreary on occasion. Situations beyond our control reroute our happy little course. I find that these lessons teach us to accept change and regroup.
When Momma was growing up her homelife was highly disfunctional. When I was a little girl I tried very hard to see the brighter side of some pretty bleak scenarios. It was difficult because I was often scared and hurt. I have dealt with many of the horrible things that have happened to me. Although, I find when things beyond my control occur, which they inevitably do, those bad times pop into my head.
I think about that little girl. I think about her freckled face and her kind heart. I think about her love of books and animals. I remember how she was so full of potential and promise and how situations beyond her control broke her spirit and made her self conscious and timid.
There are days I cry for her. I am crying for her right now and it's good because I don't allow myself to cry often.
I look to your future my darlings. I am so determined to give you a life full of stability and love. I want you to have the life that I never had.
One day when you are older I will tell you some stories about my past and I will hold you both tight and smile. I will smile because even though I climped a steep rockface to get to you, I did so on my own. You are both my most important accomplishments. My most beloved little friends.
I thank the Lord for the gift he gave me as I look upon your sleeping faces. If I were to die today I would die satisfied that I have brought two amazing little people into this world. I hope you will love the Lord as I do. I pray that I can teach by example. Please help me Lord.

75 Days Until Tulip Time!

The countdown is on my Chickadees! All this holiday jazz is behind us and Momma is looking forward to embracing milder temperatures.
I haven`t made any recent entries because we just weathered a raging storm. My two little monkeys were very sick last month. You both endured tonsillitis. I felt so sorry for both of you! Fevers came and went over the course of four days and reached very high temperatures. We trekked to the doctor`s office twice in one week. I was so worried and we were all beyond exhausted.
Momma knows what tonsillitis feels like. I was afflicted with the dreaded sickness, on more than one occasion.
Nikki, you couldn`t even eat because your throat was so raw and inflammed. Momma had to use a syringe and feed you this protein-type concoction, which I developed to keep some meat on your bones.
Ruby, you were suprisingly able to drink your bottles. This provided me with great relief because you are a very picky eater and you can`t afford to lose any weight, my little Thumbellina.
I fed you both puddings and ice cream, which is something very special in itself. Momma doesn`t like her babies to have any sweets:)
It goes without saying that I am very happy that you are both back to being your happy and healthy selves. We stayed away from the Skorija kids during the holidays, but we still had a wonderful time together with Uncle Andrew, Auntie Meena, baby Maya and the rest of the brave Varga children.
I will now begin to write more consistently and we begin the countdown to tulip time! As always I love you both completely.